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The fear before my 20th birthday (The last few days of my remaining teenage year).

It is getting closer to my 20th birthday. All the feelings mixed up become one. I sometimes think that I am not ready yet to have “2” in front of my age. So these fews days left are my very last moment in my teenage year. Soon, it’ll be just a memory, a memory that may be sooner-or-later in the future, I will miss it so badly, and yeah definitely wanna go back to my teenage year. For me, ages are not just a number (of course, only for this case), because It’s also a sign of maturity. When you are getting older, you also getting maturer. And automatically, you will have much more responsibilities on your hands. I know it is not good to live my life full of fears. I think too far ahead about something that hasn’t arrived yet. But it is better to have fears and then I can prepare everything that might happens in the future, no?
All these feelings come along for so many reasons. I am afraid I cannot use my teenage life efficiently and effectively.. Oh yeah, the hardest point to accept is that 20 means you are no longer in “teenage life” anymore. It means you are one step above than teenager. And it also means, that, this year is the last teen year for me. Well, it confuses me even more now.
What to do now? Where to next? What the future holds? All of a sudden, these kind of stressing questions popped-up on my mind. Everytime in the last year, I always feel so happy to welcome the new year. Because I always waiting for a better year to come. But I  also feel like, time is running fastly as it means that it’s only a month left till 1st February. My friend once said to me that nothing to be afraid of in your very young age at 20th, it will be normal as long as you can live freely and enjoy every bits of its moment. Well, it helps me a lot to not stressing it much more. It’s kinda silly to talk about it to someone who is older than me because all they gonna say is just nothing different at 20th and they will laught at me about these fears. But, for me, it is the beginning to another new step and phase in life. It does not mean I do not want to grow up, but it is just, I am not ready yet to face a new phase in my life. But, life just happens unexpectedly, and most of time we can’t even control it, so no matter how much time I say I am not ready, life will just happen with its own direction. And I know, at the end of the day, all these fears will dissapear. I can say that; I can’t when the things haven’t arrived yet. Just like what Mandela said, “you can say it’s possible when it’s done”.

It’s a new year, a new 365 blank pages for me to write with a good one everyday. I hope I will draw something beautiful in this New Year. Anyways, Happy New Year 2014. Wish you all have a wonderful year (better late than never right?) Ah, I really had a fantastic New Year’s Eve with a small celebration with my family. I still remember how captivating the spectacular fireworks display in the sky while having barbeque with lovely family. It was incredibly beautiful moment. Every New Year’s Eve I always give a time to myself to write down all my resolutions, and so in this new year 2014. And one of them is travelling. I want 2014 will be unforgettable year for me, to experience a new place and things, and really wish to be able to travel the world. Amen to that!
I also wish one day I can go to London to witness how the Londoners spend their NYE around the London Eye and Big Ben. Such a lovely dream.
Well, I am still counting days till my birthday. I am both so thrilled and nervous to my 20th birthday.

Love,
Fefiana.

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