Saying goodbye again to January. It’s finally that time when I feel so excited yet nervous at the same time. Yeah, it is January 31th when I’m writing this. And there’s a rare celestial event; super blue blood moon outside. Ha! (Okay, let’s skip this one!) Which means tomorrow is my birthday. But there is something that make today a bit different. Maybe because I don’t look forward to any surprise. I don’t expect anything this year.
If I can, I just want to spend my birthday in a quite place alone. I wanna hide from anyone and reflect on my life. And also think about what I’m gonna do with my life in 24.
Oh God, I’m turning 24 tomorrow! Doesn’t it sound scary? (Well, it doesn’t actually) But I mean I’m an adult now! Which means I’m responsible with every decisions I take. I’m responsible to myself, to anyone around me.
I got so much to learn in 2017. First time I failed the test. And it was one of the most important things for my career. I got the chance but I failed. It took me quite a while to realize that I need to stop thinking about it and just accept it. And pray for my luck that I will get another chance and will do much better than this. It is when you can accept the things you can’t change that can make you happy. I told myself it’s okay to be sad but then it doesn’t have to be the reason to stop you from moving forward.
Another big thing happened before 2017 ended. I felt so bad, sad and mad. I don’t know why my life feel so miserable. I tried my best to control everything and make it work. But sometimes, you can’t control life. No matter how hard you try. And I try to accept thing that I will never understand why it should happen to me? Why I should be okay with this? Why I can be this stupid? Why can’t I just say no and go?
All these things keep running on my mind. Everyday. it haunts me all day. I try to enjoy my life and say to myself that it will be alright in the end. I will get what I want. Cause my intention is pure and genuine. But there are times when I can’t control my feeling and it makes me feel so bad about myself.
And tomorrow is another new beginning. What am I gonna do with my new age? They say age is just a number. But for me it is more than that. And it is finally time when I feel like I haven’t achieved many things in life. But I know there are so many things to be thankful for. I have stable job. I have some of the things that I always wanted to have for so long. I can travel to places I always dream of. And that’s enough. These are the things to be thankful for. So this year I’m just gonna enjoy the ride.
I will say YES to every new opportunity.
I will accept all the challenge.
I will embrace my perfect imperfection..
I will let the wind takes me to place where I should be..
I will let the sunshine warms up my cold days.
I will let the rain wash away my sadness.
And most importantly,
I will say no to something that hold me back and stop me from growing.
It’s time to show that I deserve to be happy, I deserve to live my life to the fullest. I deserve to get everything I want. And I deserve to love and be loved back equally.
So I welcome you with my arms wide open, smile on my face and so much hope, 24!